The Glitch
by Nanenna
Summary: X series sillyness, mostly an inside joke I'm having fun with. Warning: contains Mpreg.
1. Symptoms

Alright, I knew this would happen. I was writing the Blues fic and each chapter took longer and was harder to get out. Alas, chapter 4 refuses to start! D8 When I was in my best thinking spot (AKA: the shower) I tried to gather my thoughts about how to at least start chapter 4, but for some reason all I could think about was X and Zero and that led to... Glitch. So I had to write it to get it out of my system. For those of you who don't know Glitch is the result of a friend's Sims characters and thus this fic is nothing but crack and sillyness. This is supposed to be something fun to distract me when I want to write and just can't do something more serious. Thus I blame this whole fic on my friends: Sephi (who had the the Sims characters) and Chaos and Kat (for being fun, silly people who loved Glitch as much as I did). But a big thanks goes to my fiancee because he knows the serieses so much better than I do. He'd be sitting there just doing his thing and I'd randomly ask questions about the Light holograms or when Zero was built or what Blues's power core was like. I love you darling, you're the best ever!

So here: have some crack on me. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, they're copyright to their respective owners.

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X was miserable sitting next to the toilet, a mostly unnecessary luxury for reploids that was only useful when one decided to actually eat organic food. X had to admit that he did like to eat, but if food was going to come back up instead of going down like it ought to he might just give up the habit. As X wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet he cursed his humanity, it wasn't for the first time and probably wouldn't be for the last but X felt that if he was going to be a robot at least he should get some of the benefits. Oh sure free will and the ability to eat and having emotions was all fine and dandy, and the fact that he was nigh immortal though not indestructible were some good benefits of being a robot, but why oh why was he throwing up? Robots shouldn't be able to throw up, no matter how close to humans they were supposed to be. Not that X didn't appreciate his humanness, but part of that was to have moods and no one is in a good mood when throwing up for the first time in his life, especially when he doesn't know why.

Before more of last night's dinner decided say "good morning" X did a quick check of his references, if he figured out why humans vomited and ways they stopped it he might be able to do the same. The first that came up was trouble with the digestive system: food allergies, food poisoning, blockages, or swellings. X had a synthetic digestive system so all of those reasons seemed to not apply, if there was something wrong with X the problem would have been detected and taken care of long before it came to this. The second cause was the sensory system and the brain: motion sickness, concussion, brain tumors, migraines or other intense pain, and metabolic irregularities. Again, those things either couldn't affect X or would have been detected before now. The third was drug reactions: alcohol, opioids, or other drugs, poisons, or venoms. There were no reploid drugs just and regular alcohol didn't affect reploids. Though some genius had come up with a synthetic alcohol-like drink that did, but X hadn't had any recently and it had never caused him to vomit either. Hangovers yes, but not all out vomiting. The last reason was illness: an infection either viral, bacterial, or some other contaminant. X sighed, it seemed he was vomiting for reasons different than humans as biological contaminants didn't affect his systems.

X felt another wave of nausea come on when his com system came to life. "This is Alia to X, report to the Command Center immediately."

X tried to reply that he was a little busy at the moment when the last of his most recent meal decided it was lonely without the rest and came back up. Thus Alia got a lovely earful of X's retching and was decidedly worried. "X? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" X was usually a calm, likeable guy, but misery loves company and lashes out at the most well meaning people. "I've not been this 'not okay' for as long as I can remember!" And that was a long time.

"Do you need help getting to the Medical Bay?" Alia's voice was full of concern, but X frowned at her suggestion. It was bad enough he was throwing up, he didn't want some rookie sent to escort him to the Medical Bay.

"No, I can get there on my own." X sighed, "I'll report to the Command Center when I can." He still had his duty, after all.

"Alright X, but if you're not feeling well take it easy. The world won't end if you take a day off." The com link went silent after that. He rubbed his forehead where a slight headache of frustration was starting. He knew the base could run without him for a while, it was slow right now with no major outbreaks of Mavericks to worry about. But X was still irritated that he was ill at all. With another sigh he flushed the toilet again and slowly stood up. He was going to take his sweet time to get to the Medical Bay if he needed and there was no way he was even leaving the bathroom without brushing his teeth. And maybe gargling some mouthwash, his mouth tasted nasty.

After X finished getting as much of the acidic, puke taste out of his mouth he decided to just get some clothes on and head down to the Medical Bay. He still felt nauseated, but since his stomach was completely empty now at least he could hopefully get there without too much trouble. X just hoped they would find a way to settle his stomach down, he couldn't concentrate with the way it flopped around and protested. After putting on some civilian clothes X headed over to the door and nearly ran into someone upon opening it to head out. There, leaning against the frame, was Zero all decked out in his casual wear, his hair neatly tied back to keep it out of his face. "Yo," Zero held his hand up in greeting. "Alia told me you were feeling a bit under the weather and might need someone to make sure you got all the way to the Med Bay."

X gritted his teeth, at least it wasn't some rookie. "I'm just fine, thanks. I can make it there on my own."

"If you were just fine you wouldn't need to go there at all." Zero grinned at his friend, an ever-present mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Fine, whatever." X gave in, there was no denying the logic. "You can come if you want but I don't need any help." X shoved his hands in his pockets and moved past Zero, then started down the hallway. Zero grinned and caught up with X, casually walking beside him.

"You must be feeling pretty bad to be this prissy about it." X stiffened a little at his comment, there wasn't much X could hide from his oldest and best friend.

"If you must know: yes, yes I feel pretty bad. I'm absolutely miserable and I would prefer to just be left alone until I feel less miserable."

The blond just grinned, "Sure you don't want to talk about it? Sometimes talking about it will help make you feel better."

"Talking about it would it worse because then I'd have to think about it again. Can't you just take a hint that I'm not feeling good and shut up?" X was practically growling at Zero with an angry, sidelong glance.

"Aw, X! I'm just a concerned friend, worried for your welfare. My best friend isn't feeling well then suddenly becomes anti-social?"

"Maybe I'm feeling 'anti-social' because I'm not feeling well," X muttered under his breath. Zero just kept going like he hadn't heard.

"I think I have to right to be concerned when you're acting like that. It's not normal X, and what's more it's not right. Plus I'm wondering what you did last night to end up yacking in Alia's ear like that, and why I wasn't invited."

"She told you?" The venom in X's voice could kill a full grown man, good thing Zero wasn't human.

"She was worried for you too. So, what did you drink? Is there a new type of replihol that's powerful enough for that much of a hangover? I gotta try some!"

"Believe it or not I haven't had any replihol since the last big celebration." X replied tersely.

"But we kicked Lumine to the curb months ago, Axl even got over his infuction."

"Do you have to call it that?"

"Yes, yes I do. But you're telling me you haven't had any replihol since then?"

"Unlike you I don't go partying every night. Last night I turned in early, slept through the whole night, and woke up sick as a dog." X sighed over the memory of it. Zero whistled and inched away from X a little.

"And here I spent all night boozing with my team and I feel perfectly fine. Kinda ironic, isn't it?" X just scoffed at Zero.

"Yes, and just to make sure you don't catch it either you should stay out here or go booze some more or something and leave me alone." With that X went into the Med Bay and shut the door behind him. Zero just folded his arms and leaned against the wall next to the door. He had the whole day if he needed it.

Meanwhile X relaxed against the door a little, breathing a sigh of relief to not be pestered by Zero anymore. "Ah, X." Lifesaver greeted X when he entered, "Alia informed me you were on your way here. Come sit on the examining table and tell me what happened." As X moved to sit on the table Lifesaver fiddled with his right forearm and a panel slid aside to allow a device to glide out. While Lifesaver scanned, X recounted his morning prayer at the porcelain altar. As Lifesaver finished his scan he frowned, not a good sign to X.

X frowned with Lifesaver, waiting for him to talk. He had to wait a while as Lifesaver frowned even more over his scanner and fiddled with it. Finally X couldn't take it ay longer, "What is it? What's wrong?"

Lifesaver cleared his throat and looked a bit flustered, "I'm not sure, these readings don't make any sense. I may need to run a self diagnostic to find out if something is wrong with me. In the meantime let's see if a Diagnostic Pod will give better results." He motioned to the far wall where a row of the pods were neatly lined up. X simply nodded, slid off the table, and headed over to the first pod as Lifesaver opened it for him.

A couple hours and five Diagnostic Pods later Lifesaver was still baffled and X was ready to scream. "They're all broken, that's all there is to it!"

"X, just calm down and let's look at this logically. If all of the pods give the same result either they all have the exact same flaw, which is highly unlikely, or the pods are all working perfectly fine." Lifesaver was having a hard time keeping X from going into all out hysterics.

"There's no way those results can be right!"

"I'm not saying they are, but it's just as possible that whatever is wrong with you is giving false information to the Diagnostic Pods, which would explain why they all have the same results." That idea seemed to calm X a little, at least that explanation made sense. But he still felt nauseated and there was still something wrong with him.

X sighed and leaned against an examination table, staring at the pods. "So now what?"

Lifesaver thought it over a minute, weighing the options and their consequences. "I'm going to try and decipher the raw data that's been gathered, perhaps send copies of it to a few colleagues. Sometimes it takes a different perspective to see what the real problem is. In the mean time you should take it easy. I'll inform Signas that until we discover what the cause is you are not to be on duty." Lifesaver began gathering data pads that he had spread out as he tried to make sense of the data the pods had given. It would be a long day of sorting through it and trying to make sense of it.

X ran his hand through his dark hair, at least the nausea was starting to recede, and spending the rest of the day chilling with a good book didn't sound too bad. "All right, Lifesaver. Just let me know as soon as you find something."

Lifesaver looked up from the data pads in his hands. "Of course, X. I wouldn't even dream of doing any less." With that X left the Med Bay, only to find Zero outside waiting for him, attempting to balance a data pad on his nose.

"What are you doing?"

Zero looked over at X, promptly dropping the data pad. "Oh, hi X! I got bored waiting for you and thought I'd learn a new talent." He scooped up the pad and attempted to balance it on the bridge of his nose again. "I'm getting pretty good at it, don't you think?"

X smacked Zero's head, the data pad went flying down the hallway. "This is your fault some how!"

"What?" Zero wasn't ready for the rapid change in subject.

"This is one of your pranks, isn't it? You're bored with the lull in Maverick activity and did something make my systems give out false information, didn't you? And whatever it is is messing with my internal systems too!" X pointed an accusing finger at Zero and gave him his best glare.

Zero looked completely baffled at the accusation. "I have no idea what you're talking about, X. I haven't done anything, I swear."

"If I find out this is some elaborate prank I swear I'll make you pay." With his threat given X stalked down the hallway towards his quarters. Zero was left behind to fetch his data pad and wonder just what was going on.

Later that evening Lifesaver sat at his desk with data pads spread over its surface. On his computer screen information scrolled lazily down the page. But Lifesaver was focused on a different monitor, one that had the face of a friend and close colleague as they discussed the results of Lifesaver's tests and what the implications were.

"It just doesn't make sense, Lifesaver. All the results point to one thing but that simply doesn't seem possible."

"I know," he replied, "but don't forget who we're talking about here. Dr. Light created such an intricate system we still don't understand all of it. Perhaps this is something else he created that we simply don't understand yet."

"If that's the case then this could revolutionize reploids as we know them." Lifesaver could only agree with his friend.

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Oh! What could be wrong with X that will revolutionize reploids as we know them?! O: I guess we'll find out next time I feel like being completely silly! Unless you already guessed or happen to know us silly girls. I miss Sephi's weirdness.


	2. Diagnosis

-Warning: extreme OOC ahead. Warning! Warning!-

A week had passed and X still wasn't feeling any better. He still woke up nauseated and miserable, he stopped eating food at all so he wouldn't be able to throw up but he couldn't stop feeling sick. Every afternoon X went down to the Med Bay where Lifesaver took readings, asked questions, and generally tracked symptoms but still didn't seem to have any answers. X was starting to get antsy, he was tired of being sick and he was tired of being on a forced vacation, especially since he couldn't go anywhere. At least Zero's pranks seemed to have stopped since X first got sick, X was grateful not to wake up to find his room covered in party string or shaving cream in his hand or some other little inconvenience.

But enough was enough, X wanted answers and he wanted them today. With that in mind X headed down to the Med Bay to have some words with Lifesaver. Upon entering the Med Bay he quickly spotted Lifesaver and walked up to him. "Lifesaver..."

"Ah hello X. You're a little early today. No matter, it should only take a moment to get set up."

X shook his head and help up his hand. "Lifesaver, just wait a minute. Before you run any more tests I want to know what's going on, you have to have some idea by now and I'm tired of being kept out of the loop. What's wrong with me? Can you fix it? How much longer am I going to be off duty?"

Lifesaver sighed and put down a data pad he had hastily picked up. "Let us go talk in my office, there will be less chance of interruptions there." Lifesaver led X to his office, where X seated himself in a comfortable chair in front of Lifesaver's desk. Lifesaver moved behind the desk to seat himself in a big, cushy chair and started clearing his desk of clutter, neatly piling data pads to the side. X looked around quickly, the office was comfortably spacious with a tall door and wide chairs to fit nearly any size person, a necessity in a world where the normal height ranged anywhere from three to ten feet tall.

"X," Lifesaver began, "After reviewing the raw data from your scans and continual observations I have come to the conclusion that the original results were in fact correct." Lifesaver waited for X's reaction at that point.

It took a moment for X to absorb the information. "What?" Lifesaver just shrugged. "But... that's impossible." It sounded more like a question the way X's voice wavered. "I can't be pregnant! That's just not possible! Men don't get pregnant, robots don't get pregnant... robot men don't get pregnant! That's two times the reason I can't be pregnant!"

"You know in math and the English language a double negative is a positive."

"This isn't math! There's no way, that just can't be right. You said yourself the pods were wrong."

"I said it was only a possibility, X. I can't explain how or why, but that's the only conclusion I can come to. Remember X, you have incredibly complex systems that no one really understands. No one knows the limits of your capabilities."

"There's no way this is normal! In fact, there's no way this is happening! If this is some elaborate joke Zero put you up to I'm not going to be happy." X glared at Lifesaver over the table.

"I assure you I do not take part in any of Zero's hoaxes and I am quite serious. It seems this is a lot for you to take in, why don't you go back to your quarters and rest for a while. There really is no need to gather data today." Lifesaver stood up and started moving for the door while X sagged and leaned against the desk.

"You really are serious." His shoulders slumped in a look of defeat he hadn't felt since the space colony fell to earth.

"Yes, X, I really am serious. The data doesn't lie and so far as I can tell you are pregnant. As I stated earlier, it might be best for you to go rest right now."

X pushed off the desk and headed for the office door, he really didn't feel like talking with Lifesaver any more. Without saying a word X walked out of the office and headed back to his quarters.

Or so Lifesaver assumed. What really happened was X put on his armor and headed down to the garage. Fortunately X being off duty hadn't restricted his access to anything, so no one stopped him as he mounted a Ride Chaser and took off without a word to anyone.

It didn't take long for X to get to Noah's Park and it was certainly a lot easier to navigate with a Ride Chaser rather than running around. As he got to his destination X took a moment to admire the artificially created natural beauty around him, the park was quite serene when he wasn't fighting for his life. He slowed to a stop, put down the kickstand, and walked away from the bike a short distance. There on the ground was what he was looking for, fortunately it hadn't moved in the last couple months.

"Dad? I need to talk to you." X stood looking down at one of Dr. Light's capsules. He nudged it with his foot and waited for a response. "Dad... I know you can hear me." X bent down and tried finding a power button, he tried interfacing with it, he tried stepping into the pod, he even gave it a hearty kick. Finally, X flopped on the ground and stated quite annoyedly, "I'm not leaving until you come out and talk to me." With that he grabbed a nearby stick and began poking the pod while repeating, "Dad... Dad... Dad..." over and over and over again.

"Alright already, I'm here." The pod jumped to life as Dr. Light's hologram came online. "X... I thought something like this might happen someday, so I've prepare parts for you."

"Uhm... no. That's not... NO. That's not what I'm here for!" X looked near ready to panic.

Dr. Light sighed and shook his head. "X... I might have expected this of Roll, but not you. My last child and you come home pregnant."

"This is home? No wait... so you know!" X pointed an accusing finger at the hologram.

"Of course I know, you think I wouldn't keep track of you? And I must say X, I'm quite disappointed in you." Light crossed his arms and looked sternly at X, though his mouth kept twitching as he tried to hide a smile.

"So do something about it, fix me. Make the problem go away!"

"I can't do that X, there's nothing wrong with you. You're just going to have to live with the consequences of your actions." Light couldn't hold back a chuckle at this point, which only irked X further. "You have to admit there's a certain irony in this situation."

"That's not irony, irony would be if Zero was the one who was pregnant. But how is this even possible?"

"Well you see, X, when a man and a woman love each other very much..."

"I'm not a woman!"

"Nature finds a way." Light spread his hands as if he didn't know any more than X.

"I don't believe that, I don't believe you either right now. You know something and you're not telling me. I think I have the right to know."

Light shrugged, "There was a glitch in your system, something unexpected that went out of control. What do you think would happen when you let people who don't understand your systems do maintenance?" X looked at Light unbelievingly, "I really don't understand what is going on right now X, but there's nothing really wrong so there's nothing to fix."

X walked over and mounted the Ride Chaser. "Some help you were."

"I'm not some fairy godmother that can wave a magic wand and fix all your problems, X. Some things you have to deal with yourself. But I have every confidence in you, my boy." X simply kicked the kick stand and took off. It would be a long ride back to headquarters.

About half way back X spotted another Ride Chaser heading in his direction, the other driver slowed as it approached X, then pulled around to come up next to him and ride alongside. X activated the com system in his helmet to talk to the other reploid. "Hello Zero , what're you doing out here?"

"I came to look for you, I figured you came out to race Ride Chasers since it's been so boring lately and I thought I'd come join you."

"No, I didn't come out here to race, that's something you would do. I needed to talk to Dad."

"Oh... is it about the whole barfing thing?"

X grimaced, he didn't want think about that. "Yes, yes it was." X hit the brakes and came to a stop, Zero circled back around and came to a stop next to his blue-armored friend.

"So what did the old coot have to say? Does he know what's going on?" X nodded slowly, he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about it yet. "Well, aren't you gonna tell me?"

"I suppose I should. Apparently I'm pregnant."

Zero blinked a couple times, "Whut?"

"That's how I feel, but both Lifesaver and Dad say the same thing. It just... it doesn't make any sense!" X sank lower into his seat on the Ride Chaser.

"So... you're pregnant. Then that means," Zero paused for a minute as if in deep thought, "I'm going to be a daddy!"

X facepalmed, "You can not be serious."

"What? Aren't you excited? I think this is exciting!" Zero looked far too happy for X's taste, he could practically see the sparkles hovering near his face.

"You blasé acceptance of this whole thing is completely astounding. And I don't think I could handle anything else today so I'm going back to base." With that X kicked his Ride Chaser into gear and took off. Zero quickly activated his Ride Chaser and follows X back to the base.

Late that night Zero was peacefully sleeping in his own quarters, X was still quite upset, when something woke him up. Groggily Zero looked around, wondering what had caused him to prematurely exit his sleep cycle when his eyes fell on a faintly glowing, blue figure. "Santa Claus?"

The figure frowned at Zero, and hefted his shotgun. Wait, shotgun? Santa didn't carry around a shotgun, and it was still early spring. Santa didn't do his whole breaking and entering bit in the middle of spring. Zero sat up and shook his head to clear it as he tried to focus on the intruder.

"Dr. Light?" Zero sounded a bit incredulous as he recognized X's creator. "What are you doing in my room? Without a pod? Holding a shotgun?"

"If'n you're my granbaby's daddy, I assume yer gonna be takin' responsibility, right son?"

"Uh... yes?" Zero shifted in his bed, completely confused by Light's strange behavior.

"Good, because I expect you to make an honest woman of X."

"But X isn't woman."

Light shrugged, "He's still the one who got pregnant."

"You do realize you're hardly frightening, being a hologram."

"Of course, of course, the shotgun was just because this will probably be my only chance to attempt this. Can you blame me for having a little fun?"

Zero chuckled slightly, "I suppose not."

Dr. Light smiled before moving quickly to Zero's side, holding the shotgun at point blank range. "I'm serious though, you better take care of X or I will make you pay. And don't think just because I don't have a body that I don't have ways to get to you."

Zero just stared at Light for a while, unsure how to properly respond. "You know, X is my best friend and I'd never let anything happen to him."

"Good, good. But if you ever do anything to make my little boy cry I'm coming after you. Well, take care of yourself." With that cheery threat the Dr. Light hologram disappeared and Zero was left to just sit there in his confusion.

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Today is Sephi's B-day so I thought it would be awesome to actually finally post the second chapter of the fic devoted to her! It's actually been done for a couple weeks but none of my pre-readers ever got it back to me so I decided to just give up and post it! Hah! And in case you haven't figured it out from the warning at the beginning the characters are completely out of character. This whole story is based on them being OOC and I won't warn you again. So yes... X is preggers! Isn't that adorable? And Zero's all excited. He's probably happy he isn't the one who's pregnant.

And I have a plea: help me with this fic! For the next chapter I need some ideas on how other characters, such as Alia, Layer, Signas, or Axl along with nameless NPC hunters, would react. If you have any kind of idea go ahead and just leave a comment. I'd appreciate it very much!

Characters are all copyright their respective owners, this story is simply meant as parody. No money is being made from this fanfic.


	3. Prognosis

A week had passed and X still wasn't feeling any better

X was always grateful for the small mercies. Mercies such as the humans that had and were still surviving, Sigma's defeat, the rests between major outbreaks of Mavericks, Zero having stopped his pranks on X for the time being, and for Lifesaver being the one to tell Signas what was going on while X had been out having a "family reunion" of sorts. Yes, X was thankful that he didn't have to be the one to explain to the Maverick Hunters' leader why he had been out of commission for the last week and subsequently barred from active duty. X was also grateful that Signas had informed him upon his return to the base that he would not tell anyone else of his condition unless absolutely necessary for the time being. Signas had felt it was up to X to decide when he would be ready to tell the base, though they both knew it would have to be soon. One of the Hunters' best simply does not come down with a strange illness, then suddenly be pronounced fit and then taken off active duty. There would be whispers, rumors, and questions X didn't feel ready to answer yet; but those could sit quietly in the background for now. He had a job to do and he would do it for as long as he was capable.

So it was that X was trying to clear his mind of these thoughts and more (Had Douglas finished the repairs to Nameless Unit Member #3's armor? What was for lunch in the cafeteria today? Would the nausea **ever** stop?) from his mind as he put on his armor for the first time in what felt like an age. Of course, all thoughts scattered from his head when Zero burst into his quarters. Before X had the chance to curse giving Zero his spare card key the red armored Reploid had already pounced and was currently holding the blue warrior at arm's length while he looked him over.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Zero?!"

"When do you think you'll start showing?" Zero had turned X half away so he could study the other's profile.

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet. Do you mind? I have work to do today and I need to finish getting ready." X sighed as Zero continued to stare.

Zero frowned at X's comment, "Are you sure you should be working? You need to take it easy and rest. Does Signas know what's going on?"

"Yes, Signas knows. And yes, I should be working. But if it makes you feel better I've been completely banned from any kind of combat and my workload has been cut back to 'light duties' so you can stop babying me." X cringed after saying the word "babying," he hadn't meant to make such a bad pun. "Now if you don't mind, it's been a week since I last saw my unit and they've probably slacked off."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about them, I've been running them through drills with my unit while you were out. We may as well keep it that way since you'll have to go on maternity leave anyways." Zero shrugged as he spoke.

"Thanks, how considerate," X replied, his voice just dripping with sarcasm. He could feel a tension headache coming on, dealing with Zero right now would only cause more problems. X couldn't remember the last time he had been so upset with his best friend. He decided it would be best if he just avoided Zero and the whole issue for now so he pushed Zero's hand off him and left with: "If you'll excuse me." X made it quite a ways down the hall, with Zero following behind at an easy pace, before meeting a friendly face. X smiled, "Hello Alia. How've you been?"

"Is it really true?!" Alia looked quite surprised and a bit scandalized when she saw her friend. X gulped, she couldn't mean...

"Why, whatever are you talking about?" X asked, he wasn't about to start answering questions which had only been half asked.

Alia leaned in rather close and asked conspiratorially, "Are you really pregnant? Zero said that's why you've been out. Signas knows what's going on but won't tell anyone and Lifesaver's sticking to his story of 'patient confidentiality.' Do you know why you were sick now?" Alia watched as X's eyes slid over to glare in Zero's direction, then back to Alia.

"Zero told you I'm pregnant?"

Alia nodded slowly. "He did, I didn't really believe him but that's something too outrageous even for Zero."

X pinched the bridge of his nose, the headache was coming back. "Yes, Alia, it's true. And if you don't mind I'm very busy and have to get going." X turned and left before Alia could say anything more, which is just as well since she was currently doing her best impression of a fish gasping for air. Zero followed behind and shot Alia a huge "I told you so" grin.

When Zero caught up with X he received a death glare. "Why'd you tell her?"

"What? I can't be proud? I think this is great news!"

"You would, you're not the one who's pregnant." A couple navigators walking by stopped and did a double take when they heard what X said, he had impeccable timing. Not that it mattered, the whole base would probably find out shortly, if Zero hadn't already told everyone.

"Don't worry, I only told Alia because I knew she would find out on her own anyways. Besides, it's not like we could hide it."

"I didn't think we could, I just didn't want to tell anyone else quite yet. I still haven't gotten used to the idea myself."

Zero patted X's shoulder in a very consoling manner. "Don't be so depressed, it's not like this is the end of the world."

"I wish it were, then we could all just die and this embarrassment would be behind me."

"Ah, but then you'd have to deal with the afterlife and enough people already know to tell all the other ghosts." Zero smirked at X.

"Why'd you have to go and ruin my happy little fantasy?"

"Because the real world is better and you know it!" X just had to grin at that comment, much to Zero's relief. He didn't like seeing X be so depressed. By that time the two warriors had arrived at the training grounds where their two teams had assembled side by side. It seemed the units had not been informed of X's return to duty and they wouldn't be training together anymore. However, X and Zero often did joint training in the past: mostly mock battles where they were pit against eachother or split into random units for free-for-alls. Maybe today could just one of those days, after X got them warmed up of course.

Half a grueling day later X plopped into a cafeteria chair with an energy drink, he'd have gotten some real food like everyone else but it seemed that "morning sickness" wasn't strictly a morning thing. As X sipped at his canister Alia set a tray down on the table from across him and sat down. "Shouldn't you be having something besides that? It can't be good for... you know." Alia still looked a little skeptical as she eyed X.

"Only if I want to pay homage to the Porcelain God all evening." X took another gulp of his drink as nonchalantly as possible. And he pulled it off rather well all things considered.

"It can't be bad as all that. Besides, you need to eat." Alia frowned him.

"No I don't, and Lifesaver agrees. Reploids don't need to eat to live." Alia would have said more but a gaggle of giggling Navigators walked up and moved to join her and X at their otherwise empty table. As they sat down X looked them over, recognizing most of the girls. The first he made eye contact with was Layer, though it was hard to tell if he actually made eye contact with her bangs in the way. Next to her was NPC-chan, the cute cat-girl, Channel, who wore what X referred to as "puke pink" armor, and Nyamo, the blur-armored gadgeteer. There were a few more mixed in he didn't recognize at all and the whole group had surrounded him and sat down, making X feel suspicious.

Layer attempted to say something, but quickly lost the nerve and proceeded to play with her food instead. The other navigators around them watched her do this and shot each other strange looks before one spoke. "Well X, we heard an interesting rumor and were hoping you could clear it up for us." X felt much more suspicious now, especially of NPC-chan for asking the question and the Navigator next to her for smirking at him like that. X frowned at the smirker, a reploid in red and gold armor with silver hair whose face he had seen many times but had ever learned her name.

"What rumor would that be?" X attempted to sip his canister as nonchalantly as possible.

The Smirker butted in at this point, it seemed everyone else was too afraid to try. "Are you really pregnant with Zero's secret love-child?" She had such a wide grin on her face that X thought her head would split right in half.

Alia gave X a quick look, she wanted to see how he reacted. At first he shot her a venomous look, then reminded himself that Alia might not have been the one to spill it. He waved in hand in a generic "go ahead" gesture, giving Alia permission to let it all out. She eagerly turned to the gaggle and smiled wide. "It's all true!" Every single girl at the table, and even a few nearby, squealed at a pitch only dogs and Reploids could hear. Well, everyone but Layer, she flinched as if shocked then jumped up and ran from the room. Half the navigators quickly abandoned the table to go help their shy friend while the other half stayed behind to start asking X questions at a mile a minute and... was that one chattering on her head set? X rolled his eyes, Navigators!

--

Elsewhere: Zero was just strolling the grounds when an object about his size and shape came barreling right into him, effectively knocking him to the ground. "What the...? Axl?!" The young reploid grinned in apology and helped Zero stand up.

"Sorry about that, Zero. I was trying to catch your attention but I don't think you heard me, then I slipped and well..."

"That's okay, accidents happen. So what did you want?" Zero dusted himself off as he spoke not really paying much attention to what Axl was doing.

"Well, I heard a strange rumor and wanted to know if it was true. Is... is X really pregnant?"

Zero shot Axl a wide grin. "He sure is, isn't it great?"

"But I thought you were the girl!"

Axl's outburst had Zero momentarily confused. "What?"

"You know, with your hair and the boobs and the penis envy sword..."

"What the hell are you talking about? Boobs? Penis envy?!"

"Those, right there on your chest, aren't those green things boobs?" Axl 'innocently' pointed at the green orbs attached to Zero's armor.

"These are NOT boobs!" Zero was turning quite red in the face at this point.

"What? Really?" Axl looked thoughtful for a moment before reaching out and groping Zero's boob lights. "Huh, I guess they aren't after all."

"What the hell?! Get off me!" Zero smacked Axl's hands aside. "You have serious issues!" With that the blond stomped off, probably to take out his anger on some poor Maverick.

"But... but I had more questions!" Poor Axl was left standing there all alone looking like a lost puppy, all forlorn and confused.

--

By the end of the day X just wanted to go hide under a rock and stay there. Most of the base, including his unit, had found out by now and he was getting quite tired of it. There was quite the mix of reactions: disbelief, sympathy, laughter, oh how he hated being laughed at. The advice givers were the worst, though. Like any of the other reploids knew any more about pregnancies than he did! People treating him like he was sick or injured was _almost_ less horrendous. Almost.

And then there was Axl's reaction. They had happened to pass in the hallways as X headed back to his quarters after the day's training had finished.

"Hey Axl, how's it going." X greeted his young friend as they crossed paths.

"Oh, uh... hi X. I er... have to get going." Axl looked a little panicked and was edging away from X.

"What's the hurry? Training's done for the day, got a date or something?"

"No no no no! Nothing like that... it's just... er..." Axl was edging further and further away from X while looking very uncomfortable.

"You okay, Axl? You're acting really weird."

"I don't want to catch the pregnancy!" And then Axl dashed down the hallway at full speed. X was left standing there stuck somewhere between angry, horrified, and bemused. Watching Axl run away like babies were a contagious disease was pretty funny, but also highly embarrassing.

"At least today is over and I never have to live through it again!" Ah, poor X. If only he knew what the next few days, nay, months would bring.

--

So, here we are. I want to say sorry for taking so long to post this, it was ready over a month ago but I have no reliable betas. If you'd like to volunteer I need a beta/editor who'd actually respond within a fortnight. Less, preferably. I want to thank the people who did watch and review this story and thank you all for your patience. I just want to say, since most of you don't know, that this story is actually based on a friends Sims!2 game. She made Sims!2 versions of the RMX and RM characters and this was one of the things that happened in that game. I may go over some of the other instances from that game, but I want to mainly focus on X.

This fic is for the lulz and I claim ownership to nothing, except the Smirker. She's all mine.


	4. Intermission

Sorry it's late, very very late, explanation at the bottom. Just a reminder: I don't own any of these characters. NONE, got that? Also, warning: this chapter is a whole lot of silly, pointless filler. Enjoy.

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"Sir, is there a reason for this? I just found it on my workstation." Alia waved a sheet of paper in front of Signas's face.

"What is it?" Signas sighed, he had a pretty good idea what the mysterious paper was.

Alia was eying the paper rather dubiously while pointedly ignoring Singas's outstretched hand. "It's a note, I think, that reads 'BRB, gone fishing.' and has a scribble of what I assume are X and Zero with fishing rods."

"Ah yes, that was Zero's idea. He thought X could use a break and insisted on using their vacation time for a long weekend. Considering the impact X's... condition has had on the base I felt it would be for the best if they had a whole week off."

Alia cringed; there _had_ been a few incidents lately. "Is Layer still confined to her quarters?"

Signas nodded his head, "She is, but since X and Zero left I think I'll have her return to her duties. There really is no point to her staying under house arrest while she can't start another fight with X."

Alia nodded, it was still weird to think of the quiet, shy Navigator starting any kind of fight, let alone a near brawl with one of the highest ranking Hunters. Alia turned her attention back to the note and frowned. "I know Zero was talking about taking a break earlier, but you'd think he'd have the courtesy to actually tell his team's navigator he was leaving in person instead of doodling this sorry excuse for a note!" Alia waved the note around angrily, then sighed heavily. "What am I supposed to do now that X and Zero are gone for the week? And I just bought that book of baby names too." She rested her chin on her hand petulantly while Signas wisely decided to just let her be. Then, inspiration hit, "Now that X and Zero are gone! This is the perfect opportunity!" And with that Alia hurried off to fulfill some diabolical plot or other.

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"Alia!" Pallette burst into Alia's office, wailing at the top of her lungs. "It's horrible! Just horrible, Signas just- oh, I didn't know you were the one who bought the yaoi sign." Pallette stood transfixed for a moment staring at a paper sign with "Hawt bathroom yaoi $10" scrawled in sharpie on it proudly framed and hung on the wall behind Alia's desk. "But this is more important than that! Alia! I need your help!"

"Hmm, yes. I'm sure, Pallette." Alia was busy gathering papers, magazines, and various supplies from her desk.

"Signas just fired me! I accidentally ordered 370,000,000 bulk boxes of paper clips and I totally didn't mean to but somehow I did and I think I even caught it and corrected the mistake before it was too late," Alia paused at this comment as she remembered nearly getting crushed by some unstable crates of paperclips that had fallen over, "but Signas still said he couldn't take any more and fired me! What should I do?!"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something. If you'll excuse me, I have something very important to do." With that Alia settled the mass in her arms left the room. "Good luck with Signas and all that, lock my office on your way out. Thanks!"

Palette just stood for a moment with her lip trembling staring at the door Alia had just walked out of before shuffling out herself. She morosely locked the door before shutting it and sulked down the hallway. And that was the last anyone on the base saw the little ex-Navigator.

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X and Zero had just returned from their long weekend fishing trip with quite a bit of luggage in tow. Well, Zero carried most of the luggage, looking quite ridiculous with the way he haphazardly piled it into his arms. X still wasn't sure why they had so much to begin with but just rolled his eyes and shook his head, at least they were home and he didn't have to look at any more fish! X opened the door, since Zero couldn't really with his hands so full, and stepped into their quarters only to drop the one bag he was carrying in surprised.

"What? What is it?" Zero asked with concern. X's only response was to point at their bedroom, everything had completely changed! For one the room was dimly lit, something not normal in the well lit base. For another there were lit candles all over the place, a rather dangerous fire hazard considering all the maroon fabric draped all over the room. Floating in the middle of the room was a heart shaped hover bed covered in black silk bed sheets, directly above it was a large mirror on the ceiling with a disco ball hanging from the center. On the far wall was a large monitor with the image of a crackling fire playing across it and a leather loveseat facing the warm, artificial glow. And to top the whole set up off some sort of slow saxophone music was playing from the corners of the room.

Finally, X managed to speak: "What happened?"

Zero excitedly jumped on the bed, which wobbled at the sudden change in weight, and rolled around a little. "Ah... this feels really good."

"Aren't you the least bit freaked out that someone did a complete makeover to our quarters while we were gone?"

"Are you kidding? This is great! Feel this coverlet, it's velour. Real velour, just let yourself go." Every time Zero said the word "velour" X could just hear the other man's voice dripping off his words.

"Those look more like silk, honestly. But I'm kind of freaked out here, who did all this? Why?"

At this point Zero found the controller for the bed and started hovering towards X, knocking over a potted repliplant and one of the luggage bags in the process. "C'mon, it's a gift that someone generously left for us while we were out. I like it!"

X just threw his hands in there air, "I give up! I'm going to the rec, room."

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'Ugh, I need a vacation from that vacation." X and Axl were chilling in the lounge with a pair of energy cans. He was about to take another sip when he was rudely interrupted by the can being knocked from his hand.

"Don't drink that!"

"Zero, what the hell? I was drinking that!"

"I know! That's why I had to stop you!"

X just blinked at Zero, "So why, exactly, did you have to stop me from drinking an energy can?"

"Because it's an **energy** **drink**, and those are bad for babies. They're nothing but caffeine and sugar, and do you know what caffeine does to babies?"

"Zero, we're reploids. We're **supposed** to have energy drinks, they're good for us. Plus all that stuff in human energy drinks doesn't affect us so even if I did have one it wouldn't do a thing. And now I have Shockolate all over me and it's spilt all over the couch and floor."

"Don't you know what's in that? Lightning! **Real lightning!** That can't be good for anyone! Not even him!" Zero pointed right at Axl, who was holding a yellow can.

"Oh no you don't, leave me and my Manana out of this!"

"You can run Rookie, but you can't hide!" Zero was only yelling at Axl's retreating back side.

"Are you done yet?"

"No, X. I'm not done yet. Wait, isn't that the can I just knocked over?"

"Nope, this is a new can." X placidly sipped his energy drink while Zero looked mortified. "Oh come off it, you know I'm right. Here, have a Godberry. You'll probably like that one." Zero looked ready to continue arguing when X turned the Godberry so the back was showing. "Just read the ingredients, there's no sugar or caffeine in it at all."

Zero picked up the can to read the ingredients. "But... but... the powerlytes... and electrolytes... more 'lytes than your body can handle... uncomfortably energetic... the powerlegs and mother nature and... and it just all seems like a bit too much."

"Zero, you watch far too much TV. You don't really believe that silly commercial, do you?"

"I guess you're right." Zero popped the can and took a swig. "Hey, that is pretty good stuff. And I don't feel uncomfortably energetic either."

"Good, because that commercial is far too ridiculous for even you to actually believe."

"Yeah, it is a stupid commercial. I guess I just can't help worrying though."

They sat for a moment and enjoyed their energy drinks together. It was truly a Kodak moment until X decided to ruin it by stating in the deepest voice he could muster, "Four hundred babies."

*Speeeeeeeeew*

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So I had actually finished this chapter a while ago, can't remember when, but I did. Then I sent it off to my proofreader and the curse hit! His computer died, his RL went to hell, all kinds of stuff happened. We thought he was going to be okay and that he was going to get the polished version to me but... then he fell off the radar altogether! D: But now that it's posted everything should magically put itself to rights. So everyone give my poor proofreader a big thanks for all his help while I was writing it and what he had to go through! I... I can't remember what his FF. net name is though.

Anyways, this whole chapter was just a lot of self indulgent inside jokes. If you get any of the jokes: you're awesome! That last one should be pretty clear, but feel free to point out any of the other ones you actually get.


End file.
